Three Times a Lady
by L 0 K I
Summary: Sesshoumaru/Kagome. what's this? the clever and powerful Kagome has defeated Sesshoumaru?! things are not as they seem.
1. Two Birds with One Stone

(AN)---okay, the chapters are short for a reason.  i realized recently that my chapter-stories seem to go on and on for pages when i type them.  so i wanted a change of menu.  there may be a few errors of consistency, please bear with me though.  also, i listed this as a romantic comedy, but what i mean is it is _light-hearted. IMO.  there is comedy, but it is really kind of quirky.  so, some parts may make you laugh, or they might not.  it all depends on if you share in any part of my strange sense of humour.  ^_^  and while this is light, it *does* have plot, small that it is.  just not an overly emotional/angsty one.  please review!  this is a sort of experiment and i want to know if anyone thinks it's worth continuing.  Thanks!  _

**| | | | WARNING!  PLEASE READ! | | | |**

please, no flames for the beginning of the story.  i know most of you won't like it at all...but that's the point.  i'm playing around with Inuyasha, because i like to torture him. ;-D  besides, we all know it's what the inukoro is thinking.  

i don't hate Inuyasha!  i just don't like him sometimes!

i, also, do not own him, so nobody sue.  but, you know what I would like to own?  Buyo!  i love that neko!  Buyo Fans Unite!  *begins waving banner*  

um, ehehe...onto the story! ^_^

**~ * ~ * ~ * ~**

**Three Times a Lady: **

**Chapter One: **

**Two Birds with One Stone**

_Kikyou worked her fingers into the collar of her robe, sliding them up and down under the cloth, then pushing it off her right shoulder completely.__  She smiled as she did so, parting her lips and licking at them suggestively._

_"I've missed you, Inuyasha.  I'm over that 'love-me-I'm-dragging-you-to-hell' bit.  I..."  She lowered her eyes demurely a moment.  "I want you to be my first."_

_"Bitch!"__ Kagome screeched, suddenly appearing out of nowhere.  She latched onto Inuyasha's arm, unconsciously rubbing it between her breasts.  "He's going to take my virginity!  So get back, you...you...undead hussy!"_

_"Uh..." Inuyasha looked back and forth between the two of them.  "Uh..."_

_"Tell her," Kagome's enraged voice suddenly turned on him.  He stood uncertainly, still not fully understanding the words that were being spoken.  It was all happening so quickly.  _

_Kagome bumped his hip with hers impatiently, her body language alone demanding an answer._

_Kikyou's robe was slipping further and further down her shoulder.  Inuyasha ripped his eyes away from the long, creamy line of exposed flesh and looked at Kagome._

_"Huh?"_

_Kagome's stormy blue eyes narrowed threateningly, causing Inuyasha to twitch.  He knew that look.  Oh gods, did he!  An 'osuwari' wouldn't be too far behind it._

_"I see," Kagome sighed, her shoulders suddenly slumping forward.  "I guess there's only one thing left for me to do..."_

_Inuyasha braced himself for impact._

_"Kikyou, if you would?"_

_Inuyasha's head shot up just in time to see Kagome hold her hand out, and Kikyou take it._

_"Uh, Kagome?__  What are you doing?"_

_Kagome hugged her doppelganger to her side and turned to Inuyasha, grinning widely.  "Isn't it obvious, silly?  You'll just have to take our virginity at the same time!"_

_Kikyou was nodding sagely, "It's only fair, Inuyasha."_

_Inuyasha fishmouthed.___

_Seeing his expression, Kikyou wrapped her fingers in Kagome's collar, turning her to her and pulling her face closer.  "I think our puppy needs more convincing..."_

_Various suggestive sounds are heard as Inuyasha's eyes widen beyond human capacity.  The two, joined, figures before him unfocus as the camera focuses on him and his reaction alone. _

_Kagome and Kikyou sink to the ground.  One hand reaches up, grasps the edge of his sleeve and jerks him down, too._

_The camera remains trained on the now empty air._

Kagome pushed her bike beside her on the path, her steps set and full of purpose.  Approaching the tree Inuyasha was napping in, she did not pause, kept walking and lowered her head until her bangs fell over her eyes.

"I'm going home, Inuyasha," she called resolutely.  "I'll be back in three days."

"Hmmm...yeah..."

Hearing him, Kagome hesitated, blinked.  That was NOT the answer she had expected—but she'd take it!  Her face instantly cleared into a beautiful smile.  "Arigato, Inuyasha!  Ja ne!"

"Hmmm---WHAT?!"

Inuyasha landed on the ground before her, his face flushed pink...with rage?  "Where do you think you're going?!"

Kagome's hands tightened on her handlebars.  "I just told you," she shouted back.

"No, you're not!"

"Yes, I am!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"Listen here, bitch!"

Kagome pushed her bike forward suddenly, the tire running over his bare foot, hard.  He yelped, not unlike a wounded dog, and hopped onto his good foot.

"OW!  WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!!"

"You're a meanie," Kagome stated, calmly getting on her bike and peddling away.

"Bitch!  Don't walk away from me when I'm screaming at you!"  Inuyasha began hopping down the path after her retreating form, only to get his uninjured foot caught on a root and fall flat on his face.

"I'm not walking away-ay," she called back sweetly.

Kagome leaned her bike against the Hone Kui no Ido.  She didn't really have any exams this time (as far as she was aware), but dog-boy didn't need to know that.  She just hadn't seen home in a couple of weeks, and...well...she missed mama.  And hot water!  And oden!  And pillows---and damn it, she missed Buyo, too!

Kagome's shoulders tightened, and a heralding shudder tripped up and down her spine.  _Wha__...?_

"Inuyasha," she whispered, knowing if she waited but a few more seconds he would appear like a storm from the still fringe of trees.  So she didn't wait.  Throwing her head back, she screamed angrily, "OSUWARI!"

_*a mile or so back towards Kaede's village*_

Inuyasha leaned heavily against a tree, rubbing futilely at the throbbing muscles of his foot.  All the while muttering about stupid girls and their stupid other-worldly contraptions.  A lone scream suddenly pierced the air, pulling his head up.

"OSU-"

"no-"

"WARI!!!"

"oOWmph!"

Kagome frowned when she didn't hear the oh so satisfying sound of Inuyasha's face eating dirt.  But she shrugged it off.  Placing her palms flat on the mouth of the well, she turned and balanced one knee against the edge.  Then froze.

Slowly she turned her head, a slight breeze choosing that moment to stir her long, ebony hair.

"Eep!" she eeped, as the previously empty space before her was filled with youkai.  An inu-youkai to be exact.

"You," Sesshoumaru said, "My brother's bitch.  Where is he?"

Kagome, still half-turned from him, wondered if she could possibly get her bow down and arm it before he ripped her apart.  She strongly doubted it.  At a complete loss as to what to do to keep her life intact, she stared at him dumbly.  Part of her mind was certain that if she remained still and was quiet enough that he might forget she was there all-together.

"Loyal," he said, mistaking her silence for stubbornness, "What an uncommon trait for a human.  Shall we see if you bleed just as red as the rest of them?"  He raised one slender, striped hand and cracked his knuckles.  Unnecessary, but nicely dramatic.

_Okay, Kagome, think.  But she was doing anything but.  She frantically wanted to look around for escape, but she couldn't drag her eyes away from the unfairly beautiful demon as he approached her.  Casually, slowly, as if he had all the time in the world and knew it.  She was surprised to realize he was playing with her.  __Gee, nice to know he has a playful side._

"Are you that scared of me, little girl, that you can't even speak?  How truly pathetic."

Kagome's eyes narrowed.  Her fear was like her anger: complete and furious, quick to ignite and quick to burn out.  She glared at the youkai lord in his dangerous stalk and felt her chin jut out stubbornly.  "No."

That actually got her a raised eyebrow, though barely.  "'No' what?"

"I'm not scared of you."

"Then you're a fool."

_Gods!  Circular-argument much?!_

"I'll tell you where he is," she said, then brought her foot up fast, kicking her bike hard enough to send pain shooting in electric currents up her leg.  The bike went careening awkwardly towards the demon.

Who tediously batted it away.

But it offered her a split-second, and with more speed then she was aware she possessed, she brought her bow down and fired an arrow.

Then watched helplessly as the demon lord launched into the air, effortlessly side-stepping the glowing shaft.

_DAMN IT!  Out of brilliant ideas, Kagome opened her mouth and started to scream for Inuyasha, knowing he would never make it in time.  But before she could even get a syllable out, she saw a bright pink flash out of the corner of her eye.  Small at first, but it soon grew to fill her vision with blindness.  She automatically threw up a hand to shield her eyes._

The light faded away in stages, like a fire slowly burning out.  But it was actually over in a breath.  When Kagome could see again she blinked, then rubbed at her eyes.

Sesshoumaru was standing statue-still no more than four feet from her.  His attention had shifted from her to the faintly glowing arrow that was protruding from his left shoulder, right below his collarbone.  His armor had cracked into fragments and lay scattered at his feet.

_It...hit?  But how?  She stared at her own hand still wrapped around the bow.  Eventually she had learned how to focus her power through her arrows, but this...could she control those arrows even after they had been loosed at their targets?_

Think about it later, her mind snapped at her, breaking into her surprised wonderings.  _You struck him, probably only succeeding in upsetting him.  Go you!_

Kagome twitched, knowing that a mad-Sesshoumaru was usually followed by a transformed Sesshoumaru.  But when she looked the youkai lord was still staring in annoyance at what she had done.

He's shocked, her mind screeched excitedly.  _Now, now!  Get away now while he's still distracted!_

Kagome didn't have to be told twice; she scrambled over the edge of the well and didn't heave a sigh of relief until she felt the familiar old magic close around her.

The Youkai Lord of the Western Lands watched as the miko disappeared into the well, unable to continue his attack...unable to move.  The arrow hissed and burned in his flesh, spreading the bitch's spell further.

TBC...

bad start, but it gets better.  all my stories start out slow, then pick up speed as they continue.  so, if you want to see another chapter, REVIEW!  ^_^

i wonder how many readers i lost with the Kikyou/Inuyasha/Kagome dream sequence?  :-D


	2. Sleeping Beauty

(AN)---thanks to all those who reviewed!  you brave readers you, marching right through the opening dream sequence!  and to answer the question several of you asked, it was Inuyasha's dream.  i thought it was pretty funny myself, AND really icky.  :-D  it factors in again later, you'll see! (take that as a threat if you want!)  ^_~  

more Sesshoumaru/Kagome interaction in this chapter.  yay!  Review and tell me if you like, you won't believe how much faster i write when you do!  ^_^

Disclaimer: not mine.  never was.  never will be.  if it did belong to me, i would show Inuyasha how worthless boys who cheat should be dealt with!  then we'd be seeing a lot more of Sesshoumaru.  A LOT MORE.

Three Times a Lady

Chapter Two:

Sleeping Beauty

He wasn't sure the moment it began, but her spell began to fold back in on itself, slowly, only freeing him one paralyzed muscle at a time.  With a growl he raised his hand and grasped the shaft, pulling on it patiently.  Power crackled around his hand in pale pink arcs, searing the flesh with each tickling lash.

Sesshoumaru released the enchanted arrow and glared at his ruined palm.  No aftershocks, no lingering sting.  Even the head buried deep in his shoulder incited no pain.  So long as he didn't try to move it.

So, it was that kind of spell, was it?  No matter, he would force the witch to lift it, then kill her.  Perhaps drop her shredded carcass at that hanyou's feet, just to see the expression on his face.

With that pleasant thought, Sesshoumaru turned and walked away from the well, stepping over the strange contraption the miko had kicked in his path.

Kagome peered over the rim of the well, ready to duck back into it and her own time at the slightest hint of danger.  Her serious blue-grey eyes swept critically from one end of the clearing to the other, then tried to pick out shapes from the more distant line of trees.

He's gone, her mind provided, he's not going to waste his time on you when Inuyasha's nearby.  _Inuyasha...Kagome's eyes widened.  __He was in danger all this time and you were hiding back in your own time?!  Baka!  Baka!  BAKA!  She had a sudden urge to brain herself against the well, but knew it couldn't possibly help.  Besides, it lacked a certain amount of dignity._

I've gotta find him, she thought, throwing one leg over the side of the well.  _I've gotta warn---_

"My bike," she gasped, not even reacting to the sudden appearance of the Youkai Lord of the Western Lands.  Her eyes were all for the mangled chunk of metal and rubber that had carried her over so many miles.  But no more.

"Bastard!  You melted my bike!  That's the second one, too!"  Automatically her fist struck out to thump him angrily on the chest, but her foot slipped on the grass, causing her to lose her balance and her hand to flail wildly.  Her fingers brushed something solid, and she grabbed at it, desperately trying to save herself from the impending fall.

It was at that moment that Sesshoumaru had leapt at the distracted miko; flexing his claws in anticipation of the pleasure of feeling them tear through her weak mortal flesh.  As fast as he was moving and as close as they were, it was too late to alter his course when he saw the sly little bitch expertly throw herself back, grasp the scabbard of Tenseiga and use his own momentum to send him sailing over her head.  And into the dry well behind.

Kagome yelped as what she had been using as an anchor suddenly pulled her over the edge of the well.  She was working on cause and effect alone, completely forgetting that falling into the well wouldn't really hurt her.  

The magic that powered the old well caught her, setting her down gently in her own time.  Kneeling at the bottom, she stared at her fingers as they clutched at the crumbling dirt.  Falling was _not one of her favourite things to do.  Her wheezing breath could attest to that._

_Sesshoumaru.__  Why is he targeting me?  I don't have Tetsusaiga; I don't have anything he wants...She stumbled to her feet.  __But I did hit him with that arrow, so maybe it's a revenge thing.  Putting one hand over the other she climbed up the ladder habitually, her thoughts far, far behind her.  Once at the top she sat a moment on the edge and let her feet dangle over, peering down into the well's shadowed belly._

"Whatever his reasons," she said, voice steeling, "I can't hesitate this time."  She raised a small, fisted hand to compliment the resolve in her voice.  It was a very cute gesture.  "I have to go back and warn the others.  Besides," she pushed off her perch, "He's gonna pay for destroying my bike!!"

She landed off-balance, one knee thudding in the dirt and the other sliding in the opposite direction.  She caught herself against her forearms and hands, allowing her head to fall forward to rest tiredly against her wrists.  This just wasn't her day.

_Can't rest.__  Gotta warn---um, why is the dirt moving?  And hey, while I'm asking that question...how in the seven hells can you straddle flat ground?!!_

Her head swung up so fast she was almost dizzy.  What she saw did not help to alleviate the feeling.  

_Oh?  OH!  She scrambled off Sesshoumaru, her heart thumping so wildly that it took her several stunned seconds to realize that he wasn't trying to kill her.  In fact, he wasn't doing anything but laying there.  Creeping back from the corner she had automatically pushed herself into, Kagome stared down at the youkai lord curiously, and just a little fearfully.  With the cramped confines of the well, if he attacked, she was as good as dead.  There was no place to escape to, and no room to fight.  But Kagome was nothing, if not brave.  Or was that reckless?_

His long, luminous hair shone no less bright in the shadowed twighlight the well had created around them.  It coiled beneath his still head, and tendrils of it spread across the dirt-floor in all directions.  Leaning over him on her hands and knees, she found one tress resting dangerously close to her right hand.  And though her fingers itched to touch it, to see if it was as cool and smooth as it looked, she couldn't.  

When she thought of it, of all the times she had faced Sesshoumaru, alone or at Inuyasha's side, there had never been true contact.  Nothing but sight and sound to tell her senses that he was real.  Some part of her didn't think he was real.  Nobody was that beautiful.

_Is he...asleep?  Baka!  Why would he be sleeping at the bottom of the well?!  Oh gods, had she...She shook her head, sending her ebony hair flying in a gesture that was pure 'teenage girl'.  __Doesn't matter.__  I gotta warn Inuyasha..._

What, that his brother attacked you and is passed out at the bottom of the well, her mind inquired, suspiciously pleasant.

_Well, yes..._

_And if, by some chance, he believes you, what is he gonna do?_

_Well, he'll...Kagome's brow furrowed, the path of her thoughts offending her sense of right and wrong._

_Bingo._

_But he tried to kill me._

_But he's unconscious AND wounded..._

Kagome reached out hesitantly, running her fingers through the air above the arrow still firmly imbedded below his collarbone.  A tiny spark of magic arced out, as if magnetically pulled to her fingertips.  The miko jerked back, cradling her hand against her chest protectively.  There was no pain, she just hadn't expected it to react to her.  Like it was seeking comfort from her touch.

_He couldn't pull it out..._

The wonderings snapped out of her blue-grey eyes, leaving them serious and determined.  And oddly warm still.  _To kill is one thing, but I can't leave him wounded like this.  She ignored the accepting caress of her own magic and wrapped her fingers around the arrow, mentally willing it free even as she pulled gently at it._

But he tried to kill you, her mind protested, throwing her images of all the times his claws had come at her with the full intent to rip her out of existence.

_I know!  It doesn't matter what he's done, only what I do!_

The arrow let go with a low hiss, dissolving into flecks and pinpoints of pale pink light.  Kagome's then empty hand fell to the inuyoukai's collar, and she pushed it aside to make sure the spell had left him completely.

A scar blossomed on his upper-chest where the head of her arrow had made entrance.  A flush-pink spot to mar his otherwise perfect flesh.  She traced fingers over the edges of the scar, fascinated by the contrasting textures.  _His youkai body should swallow up this mark as well, right?  I hope it's gone before he wakes up._

His left sleeve drew her eyes with its flatness.  The cloth lay still upon the dirt, pretty to look at, but empty.  _That's the arm Inuyasha hacked off.  Odd, but I never notice its absence...Of course, it wasn't as odd as one would think.  Usually she was afraid or worried or upset, or a host of other emotions that didn't leave a lot of room for casual observance.  __It's because he doesn't treat it as a handicap...so nobody really sees it as such._

Her fingers were pushing gently at his collar, sliding it down his shoulder...

_No!  What are you doing?!  She jerked her hand back and stared at it in shock, her fingertips tingling with the feel of his skin.  That...was wrong.  It was none of her business, and she wasn't sure what had possessed her to be so bold.  The __great youkai lord would not appreciate her groping him while he was so vulnerable, and frankly, she didn't like it either.  For some reason, it scared her._

_Do you have a death wish?  What do you think he's going to do if he wakes up and sees you hovering over him?  Touching him?  And he's a powerful demon, he won't be out for long!  Her logic finally clawed to the surface of her mind, shattering the quiet world inside the well.  She was mere inches away from a creature that wanted her dead, and had already tried to kill her several times.  A creature that could wake up at any moment._

Kagome got to her feet slowly, making sure not to disturb him anymore than she already had.  It was time to go, to warn...

_I can't tell Inuyasha!  He'll insist on fighting!  What am I going to do?!_

_Are you protecting him?_

_Of Course Not!_

_Then let Inuyasha come.  Sesshoumaru has tried to kill you more times than you can remember.  It's time to return the favour.  So he is wounded, so he is unconscious...why show him mercy?  Has he ever shown any to you?_

_No, and that's exactly the point._

The part of her mind that believed in survival alone called her a fool, but it wasn't the first time, and it wouldn't be the last.  She couldn't fully understand the rationale, but Sesshoumaru was a proud creature, and if he died---he deserved to die as such.  Striking him now while he was vulnerable went beyond wrong.  It was disgusting.  Something in her would die with him.  And keep dying.

She grabbed onto the familiar old vines, keeping one eye on the demon prince, and the rest of her attention on being quiet.  As much as possible.  By the time she climbed out of the well, she was calm, collected, and already had a plan forming.  

She would lead Inuyasha away from the well.  Away from a fight that did not need to be.  Hopefully they would be long gone by the time Sesshoumaru regained consciousness.  And if hope was truly on her side, he would grow bored and not waste time on finding them.

She did not hurry to Inuyasha, though she wanted to.  To do such a thing would have been a mistake.  Inuyasha was a half-youkai, and an inu as well.  She knew that merely being in Sesshoumaru's proximity wrapped faint traces of his scent around her.  And Inuyasha, always alert to the possible movements of his brother, would not fail to notice.  A bath was in order.  A short, but thorough one.  And though the afternoon was bright and warm, she knew the water would not be.  The lake she had bathed in after her first trip through the well was nearby.  She would go there, and be quick, and hopefully be gone before Sesshoumaru rejoined the world of the aware.

She didn't think she had so much luck, but it was worth a try.

_My, Inuyasha must be really busy.  I've been on this side of the well for about fifteen minutes, and he still hasn't come to chew me out.  Not complaining, but I wonder where he is..._

TBC...


	3. Bad Dog!

(AN)---this is NOT the end, my friends, but it will be coming soon.  i'm thinking about writing a sequel, but i want to see what people think of this one (and its ending) before i do any work on another part.  i might do it anyway, but i dunno.  depends on how inspired i get.  ^_^ (i.e. REVIEW!)

Reviewers, how i love thee...*dreamy sigh* Thanks to all those who reviewed!  It really helps.  I mean that.

Ah, yes.  The infamous Inuyasha-dream-sequence makes another appearance!  i couldn't help myself.  my apologies ahead of time for those who think it's too racy.  but...it's just a dream. ^_^

Three Times a Lady

Chapter Three:

Bad Dog!

_Inuyasha crawled around on his hands and knees.  Not exactly knowing why, but knowing it was expected of him.  And he had to do what was expected of him.  He paused as two dainty feet appeared in his line of vision, white against the grass' green.  He slowly lifted his head from staring at the ground, and his gaze crawled over long, shapely legs, thighs and hips veiled in a strange green kimono that teased more than it covered.  Kagome, he thought, but the girl that lowered gracefully down to kneel before him was older, more mature in face and body.  An older sister, but no, a past incarnation.  _

_His first love.___

_Kikyou smiled at him, a sweet, warm curve of lips that instantly spilled the tension from his body.  She smoothed her hands over her knees, tucking the short skirt down modestly, even as the gesture spoke invitation._

_Inuyasha leaned forward on his hands and knees, eyes staring at the willing line of her mouth, the stare seeming to reel him in.  Almost, almost, just a little further and he could taste her again._

_Suddenly, his reach jerked to an end.  His head snapped up, bowing the line of his neck painfully.  The prayer beads circling his throat were pulled tight, and he rolled his gold eyes back to see Kagome standing over him, a leash wrapped firmly around her hand.  She pulled it taut until it sang in one long line of tension.  The gesture oddly resembled the care with which she drew her bow._

_Inuyasha strained against the leash, annoyed, but oddly excited at the same time.  Kikyou shoved to her feet so fast that it was nothing but a blur of motion, the sweet, warm look snapping into haughty derision.  Her hand flicked out, and a long, pink band of light lashed the air before his face.  Not striking, but letting him know that it could.  He flinched, whimpering low in his throat._

_"Still disobedient, Inuyasha?"__  Kikyou tsked at him, being patronizingly girlish about it.  "And after all that Kagome and I have worked so hard to teach you!"_

_"He's a bad dog," Kagome remarked, jerking on the leash as if to accentuate her words.  The prayer beads ground into his skin for one long moment.  _

_Kikyou glanced at Kagome consideringly before looking down her nose at him.  She knelt once more, an intimidating facsimile of her previous modesty.  "Are you a bad dog, Inuyasha?"_

_Inuyasha, unsure of how they wanted him to respond, stared up at her silently.  Kikyou smiled at his obvious confusion, reached up and softly, soothingly brushed her fingers through his silky hair.  She grabbed a handful and yanked him forward, so that her sneering face hovered over his.  "I said, 'are you a bad dog, Inuyasha?'"_

_He nodded quickly, wordlessly, anything to appease her.  But it did not help.  Kikyou glared down at him in complete disgust and bit out, "Say it."_

Kagome, so freshly scrubbed that her hair was still wet and heavy with water, stood beneathe the tree Inuyasha was sleeping in and glared at him.  Daggers were not sharp enough for the look she was giving him.  _So this is what was keeping him so busy!?  _

Kagome slapped her hands onto her hips and snapped out an impatient, "Inuyasha!"

The oblivious hanyou twitched in his sleep, turned upon the branch so that one of his clawed hands hung down limply.  He mumbled something just loud enough for the annoyed miko to hear it, though not understand it.

_Bad...dog?  Kagome cocked an eyebrow at him, then shook her head.  She did not have time for this._

"Inuyasha," she said, closing her eyes, "Osuwari."

The bough broke, and down came Inuyasha, tree branch and all.  Kagome calmly stepped aside as he crashed into the ground.

Seconds passed as the Inuyasha-shaped crater smoked and steamed, the half-youkai sprang to his feet, the abruptness of his movements causing Kagome to spring back away from him in surprise.

"Hai, mistress!?"  He said quickly, his eyes not quite focused yet.  His face was very open and expressive, oddly, reminding her of a puppy eager to please and starved for affection.

The look scared her so utterly that she reacted to it without thinking, clenching her fists tight at her sides and screaming, "OSUWARI!!!"

"OWWWW!  BITCH!  WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!"

Hearing the familiar bark, Kagome visibly relaxed, a relieved smile coming to her face.  "I'm back, Inuyasha!"

Inuyasha's ears twitched, flattening against his head as he peeled himself off the forest floor.  "I see..."  Then he paused, "Wait a minute, I know I didn't sleep for three days!"  Not that he probably would have minded.

"Well, uh, they canceled the tests---so I came back early!"  She nodded to herself, deciding that her story was believable.

Inuyasha didn't particularly believe her story, knowing full well that he always had to pay hell to get her to come back once she went 'home'.  But he wasn't in the habit of thinking too deeply about things that worked to his advantage, or anything else for that matter, so he let it go.

"Good.  We'll set off in the morning and see if we can't find any rumors about Shikon no kakkera."  Inuyasha leaned against the tree and crossed his arms behind his head.  Ah, it was good to be leader.

"NANI!!?"

"Huh?"  He ungracefully tripped, though common sense pointed out that he hadn't been walking at all, and thus, shouldn't have.

"Don't you care that we have a mission, Inuyasha!?  While we waste time around here, evil youkai could be out gathering the rest of the shards!  Oni could be eating poor, defenseless children!  Naraku could be putting his next plan into action!  And you wanna sit here and do nothing?!!"

*SLAM* "GODDAMN BITCH!"

Kagome's hands flew up to cover her mouth.  "Oops!  Gomen nasai, Inuyasha!"

Inuyasha, having been 'sat' three times in a matter of minutes, took an untransformed Tetsusaiga from his side and used it to climb to his feet.  He leaned on the sword heavily and glared at the girl grinning sheepishly before him.

"It'll be dark in a couple hours, let's just wait until morning."

Kagome immediately switched gears, shooting into plan b.  _Actress Kagome, begin!  She stiffened her shoulders, widening her already wide blue eyes at him._

Inuyasha, still resting against Tetsusaiga, did not see Kagome's subtle cues.

Kagome glared hotly at him, then blanked the look from her eyes.  _I said...She gasped loudly, hugging her arms tight across her stomach and shuddering._

"What is it, Kagome?!"

For a moment Kagome felt guilty about the very real concern in Inuyasha's voice, but she shoved it aside.  It was for the best.  "I sense a shikon no kakkera!"

That perked him up.  He stopped using Tetsusaiga as a cane and brandished it as the dangerous weapon it was.  She could very nearly see him stretching his senses out to try and catch any sign of what they would be facing this time.

_Nothing, I lied.  But we have to go now!_

"Which way?" he demanded in full serious-mode.

Kagome pointed in the opposite direction of the well.

"Let's go!"  With that, Inuyasha pulled her onto his back and took off, a bright red streak through the trees.

Sesshoumaru saw stars when he opened his eyes.  Real stars.  It was like he was staring up a long tunnel.  The open well showed him bright flecks of light, and a night that was deep in contrast.  Had he really been out that long?  How unusual.  A soft breeze shook the vines and leaves that edged the mouth of the well, one leaf broke free and floated lazily down to rest in his hair.

_A mere human miko, and she has escaped this Sesshoumaru, not once, but twice!  His eyes narrowed as a familiar perfume wafted across his sensitive nose.  The well was full of her scent!  But not just that, it was closer.  As if...__She...touched me?  His attention dropped from the pretty evening sky to fall on his chest, and the slightly askew collar.  A scar tinted the skin to mark where her arrow had struck him._

Confusion, a hint of emotion in his otherwise empty eyes.  He stared at the scar and did not know what to make of it.  And he did not like that.  To strike your prey down then not move in for the kill, what kind of game was the miko playing?  Was she deliberately toying with him?  He had always thought her the weakest of her group, the one to hide with the kitsune child and watch from the sidelines as the rest of them struggled.  But in a matter of hours she had out-maneuvered him twice...

Twice...

His amber eyes grew wide.  He couldn't seem to stop it.  _Twice she has fought me and lived, I cannot let this be.  In one movement he was up and out of the well, not even stirring the leaves as he passed._

Kagome nestled against Inuyasha's back, her arms wrapped around his shoulders.  It wasn't nearly as cozy as she pretended it was---Inuyasha's long hair kept whipping into her face, and if she tried to push it aside he whined about her pulling it.  She sighed and pressed her cheek against the soft hi-nezumi fur.  It gave her a pretty good view of her companions.  When dog-boy's hair wasn't in her eyes.

Miroku had started out the evening running full out behind them, but as the trip stretched on, Sango had taken pity on him and pulled him onto Kirara's back.  The lecherous monk repaid her act of kindness with a light pat on her butt.  Just as Kagome had predicted.  Shippou had shaken his head in a gesture almost too knowledgeable for a child as the enraged exterminator literally picked Miroku up and threw him off the neko-youkai.

Miroku was running behind them once again, a vivid hand-print contrasting nicely with his violet-blue eyes.  He never could leave well enough alone, especially where the taijiya was concerned.  In an odd, creepy way it was gaining a certain amount of romance in Kagome's mind.

The mark resembled Inuyasha's right cheek, and she wondered if he had got hurt with how many times she had sat him earlier.  She usually didn't say it that many times.

"Hey, Inuyasha!" she called into the rushing wind. "What happened to your face?" she paused for a moment to have a very disturbing thought.  "Oh no, tell me you're not picking up Miroku-sama's ways?!"

Inuyasha twitched, so small that had she not been smooshed up against his back, she probably would have missed it.  "Shuddup!"

Kagome blinked, she was no stranger to Inuyasha telling her to shut up.  She, however, was not used to the nervous and awkward tone with which he spoke this time.  She rose up, digging her knees into his sides to help steady herself.  But before she could pry deeper, goosebumps broke out in a wash of shaky sensation on her body.

She turned her head, and the world seemed to be moving in two speeds.  Slow and fast, with her caught at normal speed between.  She watched the streak of muted colour fly through the trees to their right, bouncing from branch to branch, but not stirring a leaf.  It moved ahead of them, as her friends sped on obliviously, then rounded back to the middle of their path.  When it stopped the world seemed to right itself again.

Though that was only a clever illusion.

Kagome gasped, which was quickly followed by Inuyasha.  A quarter of a mile more on the path, and the branches of the trees parted, spilling moonlight into the small clearing.  Sesshoumaru was a mix of shadow and bright silver light.

Inuyasha skidded to a stop, and Kagome slid from his back.  Though he put a hand back to keep her near him, his other hand automatically dropped to Tetsusaiga's hilt.  Kirara landed in a backwash of air beside them.  Still in full-battle-form.

"SESSHOUMARU!" Inuyasha barked out.  Kagome tucked herself tighter and smaller against his back.  It was her guilty imagination that made it seem like the full-blooded youkai was glaring at her.  That's all.

Sesshoumaru said nothing.  He calmly drew Toukijin and held it down at his side.  One step forward, and then another.  The youkai lord slowly slipped into a run, picking up speed with each step he took.

Inuyasha shoved Kagome away from him, swinging an already transformed fang threateningly at his brother.  Sesshoumaru 'disappeared', and Inuyasha instantly swung out, painfully aware of his brother's uncanny speed.  But Tetsusaiga met nothing but air.

Kagome yelped as a face suddenly loomed in front of her, she threw herself back, and the blur that was Sesshoumaru sprang in the other direction, abandoning his attack.  

She would not catch him off-guard again.

Sesshoumaru landed in a tree-branch above his vile half-brother's mismatched band.  A monk, a demon hunter, two youkai, and _her.  They all stared up at him, but he ignored them, glared down at the miko coldly._

_To Be Continued..._

so, did everybody like?  no?  don't bother reading author notes?  why do people do that, i wonder?  skip AN, that is.  i always like to read them 'cuz you can get information that may be relevant to the story.  hmm, it's something to think about.

one last thing...REVIEW!  please?

thanks!  ^_^

*bows*


	4. If At First You Don't Succeed, Stop

(AN)---Thanks go out to all reviewers!  Your words and opinions are very important to me!

Three Times a Lady:

Chapter Four:

If at First You Don't Succeed, Stop.

Silence filled the space between the two sides, and it stretched for one moment, and then two.  With all her friends at the ready around her, she felt utterly exposed.  And with good reason.  Sesshoumaru was staring at her, not the brother that he hated, or Sango with Hiraikotsu poised to be thrown.

Her.

She stood stock-still, though every nerve in her body screamed out at her to run.  You don't run from dogs, her mind thought in an odd burst of clarity.  _They like it when you run.  They like the chase.   She was dealing with a dog-demon, but she didn't think that fact changed the rules as much as one would expect._

Miroku, having noticed that the demon's eyes were set upon one thing, turned to Kagome.  What he might have said was lost as the ever impatient and reckless Inuyasha leaped at his brother.

"KAZE NO---"

Sesshoumaru did not gift the worthless hanyou with his attention.  He gracefully jumped from the branch full seconds before Inuyasha could follow through with his attack.  The wind that had sparked and gathered at the half-demon's command fell away instantly when he lost sight of his target.

Sesshoumaru did not distract so easily.  The taijiya's over-grown weapon sliced through the air, striking trees and ripping clean through them.  The youkai lord, with his eyes still locked on the miko, easily dodged the boomerang.  And sent it sailing back to the hand that had thrown it.

The monk came next, with his worldly ways.  He stepped between Sesshoumaru and the girl, raising his shakujou in a fighting stance.  Sesshoumaru effortlessly caught the staff as it swung out at him, it screaming against Toukijin's edge.  He thrust up in one powerful motion and the boy went flying, tumbling over himself and crashing into one of the many trees that lined the small path.  The little kitsune child instantly scampered fretfully to the human's side, but Sesshoumaru did not care.  He was out of the great lord's way and that was all that mattered.

Kagome watched as, one by one, Sesshoumaru dispatched the obstacles between them.  First Inuyasha, then Sango and Miroku.  Then Inuyasha again, simply pointing Toukijin in the hanyou's direction as he charged in from behind.  All the while his eyes had not left her, as if he regarded her as the most dangerous of them all.

He was cutting a path through her friends with his seemingly single-minded determination, and he was winning.  The young miko saw him coming for her and did not know how to stop it.  Her hands shook and fumbled with her bow, finally bringing it down, but she knew it was too late.  Too slow.  As she reached back for an arrow, Sesshoumaru raised Toukijin, then brought the demon-sword down in one ringing stroke.

Kagome screamed as light erupted before her eyes.  Hot waves of it that sent her dark hair streaming back from her face.  But just as quickly as it came, it was gone.  Kagome looked up, fully expecting to be dead or on the threshold of death.  And instead realized she was still standing in the middle of the path, her bow gripped tightly in one hand, and an arrow in the other.  Sesshoumaru was sprawled on the ground, his hair tangled about his shoulders and in the dirt.  The world as she knew it ceased and began in one second.  As long as it took her to realize she was still alive.

Miroku came running up, relief shining in his violet-blue eyes.  He wrapped his arms around Kagome before she was ready to react, lifting her off her feet.  "You did it, Kagome-sama!"

"Wha-what do you mean?" the voice that came to her ears definitely sounded like her own, but it was far too calm to be real.

"You deflected his attack, sending it back to him..."  What he didn't say, but hung in the air around him was: _just as you did when we fought Tsubaki, the kuromiko._

So much of her miko powers operated on chance and instinct alone.  Why did she never train as a proper miko should?  The need to ask Kaede that exact question always fled her mind when they returned to the village.  Because returning to the village usually either meant injuries, or home.  It was like she forgot all else.

Kagome felt a lone hand sliding down the middle of her back, but before it could do any further damage, a foot implanted itself to the back of the monk's head.  Sango stood just behind Miroku, eyes closed and faintly twitching.  And though she was still clearly annoyed with the houshi's wandering affections, her relief at seeing her friend alive and unharmed over-rode all other emotions.

"I thought he was going to kill us all!"

"He didn't care about us," Miroku mumbled from his place on the ground.  Sango and Kagome both looked down at him.

"What do you mean?"

"He was aiming for Kagome-sama."

Kagome swallowed.  Sometimes Miroku was far too perceptive.  For everybody's own good.

"I thought he was after Tetsusaiga again?"

"Apparently," Miroku said, using his shakujou to push himself up, "Tetsusaiga is not all he is after."

Kagome blushed, and after a moment, Sango did too.  Miroku grinned at the two girls and their pretty modesty.  He had truly been blessed when fate had thrown him down this path.

"It's not like THAT!" Kagome cried, her fist striking out automatically and whacking the monk on the head.  He promptly fell to the ground in a heap, again.

Kagome's blue eyes turned back to the still form of Sesshoumaru, widening when they saw Inuyasha standing over him.

"NO!" she howled, shooting forward to intercept him.  She half-flung herself across Sesshoumaru's body and held one hand up to the hanyou, it being both a gesture of warding, and beseeching.  "Please, Inuyasha!  He's had enough!  He's..."  Her eyes fell down to the demon-sword, and she noticed Tetsusaiga sheathed at his side.  But there _was something in his clawed hand._

_My...pen?__  When did he get in my back pack?!_

Inuyasha raised the pen into the air, and with a purely evil gleam in his eyes, he threw his head back and laughed.  "MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Kagome raised one confused eyebrow.  The laugh-track cut-off abruptly.  Tucking the pen back into his kimono, Inuyasha calmly removed Tetsusaiga and turned the blade downward, holding the hilt between both his palms and high above his head.  He looked at Kagome.

"Move, wench."

Kagome shook her head, chewing on her lip as Inuyasha glared down at her.  "We stopped him.  It ends here."

"Why are you protecting him?!"

"I'm NOT!  It's just..."  Kagome stopped, not believing she was about to discuss the ethics of killing someone while they were unable to defend themselves.  Surely not with one of her friends.  Of course, then she remembered she was talking to Inuyasha.  When it came to moments like this, there was only one way to get her point across to him.

"Inuyasha," she said calmly, "Put the sword away."

Inuyasha's amber eyes widened, his hands tightening around Tetsusaiga.  "Kagome?  D-don't do it."

"_Put.it.away."  The tone of her voice told him it would happen, no matter what he said or did.  It was up to him how far it went, though._

Inuyasha sheathed Tetsusaiga slowly, grumbling all the while, but making sure his words were so low that she couldn't make them out.  She didn't need to hear it; she knew what he was saying.

"Inuyasha.  Osuwari."

The rosary glowed a bright rose-white, pulling him to the ground in one graceful arc.  Though 'pulling' was too soft and slow a word to describe the power which forced him down.  He didn't even fight it.

"Kagome-sama," Miroku said, stepping over Inuyasha's prone form, "I understand your hesitation, but is it really wise to choose Sesshoumaru's side over Inuyasha's?"

"I'm not on Sesshoumaru's side!" Kagome shouted, causing the monk's ears to ring.  "You Don't Strike Someone When They're Already Down!"

The look Miroku gave her was acceptant of her answer, but it was also knowing.  As if he thought he had knowledge that she did not.  

She glared at him.  _What other reason could there possibly be?_

She did not get to think too deep upon that question, for two rough hands caught her around the waist and jerked her away from the unconscious inu-youkai.  Kagome's fingers scrambled at Sesshoumaru's kimono, trying to hold on, but she was forced to let go as the hands holding her hoisted her high into the air.  Her feet dangled and she used them instantly to try and kick back at her assailant.  Inuyasha growled as her heel connected with his hip, but did not let go.

"Put me down!  RIGHT NOW!  Or so help me, I'll..."

Sesshoumaru slowly, but steadily stood up.  His clothes slightly stained and torn, though he still looked as composed and sharp as he had when he first approached her at the well.  He lifted his gold, gold eyes, and Kagome tensed in Inuyasha's grip, ready for the glare to hit her.

And glare he did.  But not at her.  Sesshoumaru glared at Inuyasha and said, each word pronounced with malicious promise.  "Get your filthy hands off my mate."

Jaws dropped, but not Kagome's.  For her mind had pleasantly told her that she was mistaken in what she had thought she heard, and at any moment the demon's real words would fill her ears.  And they would be oh so much better---nice, normal---threats of dismemberment and a healthy display of disgust.

Inuyasha stared at him with wide, stupid eyes.  Seeing the hanyou's continuing noncompliance, Sesshoumaru's voice crawled a notch lower into a growl, and he repeated, "Remove your hands or I will remove them for you."  His eyes flashed crimson, before settling back into their previous vibrancy.  Just a warning of things to come.  

It would have been more intimidating if Inuyasha hadn't drawn two lines curling up from the edges of his mouth---a sort of demented, perpetual grin.  Sesshoumaru calmly reached up and wiped at his face in one motion.  When the gesture was complete, ink that should have lasted through lots of soap and water, was gone.  

Wisely, nobody laughed.

Inuyasha's hands tightened on Kagome's waist, then loosened when he realized that holding a struggling girl during a fight was not a good way to stay alive.  Kagome slid to her feet, relieved to be back on the ground, even as shaky as it suddenly seemed to be.  

But, because Sesshoumaru had ordered him to, the hanyou could not quite bring himself to fully let go of the young miko.  Unfortunately for him, and more for Kagome, that meant his hands slid up her sides, causing her school uniform to pool around his wrists.

Kagome's relief was short-lived as she realized the hem of her shirt was suddenly well above where it was supposed to be.

Wide eyes replaced dropped jaws.

"Kyaaaaaaaaaaaa!  **OSUWARI!  Hentai!"**

Sesshoumaru blinked as his hated brother struck the ground face-first, hard enough to leave an indention of his body in the dirt.  Hard enough for bones to crack.  It was beautiful.

Kagome quickly jerked her shirt down, refusing to look anybody around her directly in the eyes.  Her face was a shade of colour usually reserved for prolonged oxygen deprivation.

Bored, Sesshoumaru turned away, ready to leave the group once again to their petty, useless ways.  Looking back over his shoulder at his bitch, he said, "We are leaving."

Kagome's eyes snapped from their embarrassed stare and refocused on him.  "What?  Wait a minute!  I didn't agree to this!"

Sesshoumaru stopped and turned back to regard the girl, not expecting an argument, but fully prepared for one.  "You should have thought of the consequence of your actions before you carried through with them, miko."

"You're...you're saying this is my fault—BECAUSE I PROTECTED MYSELF?!"

"Oi, when did..." Inuyasha mumbled into the dirt, but was promptly ignored by both parties.

Sesshoumaru nodded, seemingly pleased that she had grasped the situation perfectly.  For a human.

"Well...you could have stopped attacking me!"

"Twice you bested this Sesshoumaru.  Did you think I would let that lie as it is?"

She was...crackling?  Kagome very slowly drew an arrow and lifted her bow, her eyes narrow and face cold.  "I'll just beat you a fourth time, and a fifth, and again!  Until you go away or die!"

Sesshoumaru smiled, actually smiled, though it was small and questionable.  Kagome faltered at the strange, and oddly frightening sight, her battle aura diminishing some and her bow dropping slightly off its mark.  She raised it again and steadied her hand.  "What the hell are you grinning about?"

"Once declared mate, we can no longer harm each other."

Kagome laughed in one abrupt and bitter sound.  "And you think I care about your stupid rules?!"

Kagome jumped as Inuyasha grasped her shoulder, putting a clawed hand on hers and pushing the bow down.  In her confrontation with the youkai lord, she had nearly forgotten about their audience.

"It's not a rule, Kagome, it's a curse.  And it's already in affect."  Inuyasha glared at his brother, who returned his stare back coldly, not liking where the hanyou's insulting hands rested.  A very unpleasant smile came to the Inuyasha's mouth.  "But it doesn't say anything about me.  The bastard can't be your mate if he's dead."

Sesshoumaru tilted his head to the side slightly, fully aware of his half-brother's emotional weaknesses.  "Then you truly do want her?"

"Nani?"

"Surely you know that to kill me would cause the curse to shift to you?"

Inuyasha was silent in the face of that question, and as his silence continued Kagome turned to him with wide eyes.  _He's hesitating?  He would really...leave me to his brother rather than take me as his mate?  Her hand tightened around the bow, her knuckles turning a brilliant shade of white.  The bow trembled.  __I don't care!  I don't need him to protect me!_

Her blue-grey eyes shot to Sesshoumaru and some of her anger at Inuyasha spilled over into what she already held for the Lord of the Western Lands.  "I'm your declared mate, so what?  It doesn't change anything.  Go away."

Feeling an odd touch of annoyance at how the hanyou's hesitation had hurt the miko, Sesshoumaru decided to let the subject go for the moment and not press on.  He could always come back later to collect what was his.

Disappearing from her sight in a burst of speed, he let his last words echo out behind him.

"It changes everything."

.The End.

Or is it?

Sequel up soon if you (the reviewers) deem me worthy!  ^_^

I already have some ideas.  And with the stage set, there will be more room for romance!  Of the Sesshoumaru/Kagome variety, of course. ^_~

So review, and tell me if you would be willing to read more!

I may be adding an omake to this story in another chapter.  it all depends on how soon I get around to writing it.  My schedule just got a lot more hectic.  And less fun.  And school hasn't even started yet.  *pout*

Thanks everybody!  I hope you have enjoyed my first posted Inuyasha fic.  If you want some serious drama and romance, read the other one I'm posting, "Juxtaposition".  I'm getting the feeling that most people just aren't interested.  If that's the case then I won't be posting on it anymore.  Wouldn't be any point to sharing something nobody wants to read, ya know?

^_^


	5. Omake and a few loose ends to be tied

Yes, omake, but first...

Some of you pointed out that I used quite a few Japanese words in the story, and didn't explain them.  Sorry about that!  ^_^ allow me to do so now, to the best of my ability.  Below is a short list of words that appeared and their meanings.  If I am wrong about any of the words, please let me know.  I've picked them up through anime/manga, and also through other fics.  I've put them in the order of their appearance.

**Neko: cat**

**Osuwari: most people translate it as 'sit', which is what I choose to do.  But I think it's tech. a command used to get dogs to behave.  ^_^ don't quote me on that.**

**Arigato: thanks**

**Ja**** ne: see you later, basically.**

**Hone kui no ido: bone-eaters well; bone-gobblers well.**

**Oden: Kagome's favourite food!  I think it has fish in it, but I'm not sure.**

**Youkai: demon**

**Inu: dog.  Hence, when I type inu-youkai or inuyoukai I am describing what kind of demon.**

**Miko: priestess.  But don't equate it with priests and the such in the Christian religion.  I believe Kagome's a Shinto priestess?  And generally mikos in the Inuyasha-world have supernatural powers centred around purification.  Other than Kagome...Kikyou, Kaede, Midoriko, and Tsubaki are priestesses.  Though Tsubaki is a priestess of the black arts (that means curses and black magic people! ^_^)**

**Baka: I don't know if I need to explain this one, but here goes.  It translates as any number of the following words: stupid, idiot, fool, moron, etc.  get the idea?  I think it's the Japanese word that pops up the most in fanfics.**

**Hanyou: half-demon**

**Hai: yes**

**Shikon no kakkera: shikon shards**

**Nani: what?**

**Oni: kind of means the same as demon, but it's used more for monsters within the series.  Doesn't Viz translate it as 'ogre'?  Devil.**

**Gomen nasai: I'm sorry.**

**Kitsune: fox.  Fox-youkai, that would be Shippou!  (always makes me think of Kurama...)**

**Hi-nezumi: fire-rat! Ya know, what Inuyasha's kimono is made out of.**

**Hiraikotsu: Sango's weapon.  The boomerang made out of the bones of youkai that her village killed.**

**Kaze no kizu: one of Tetsusaiga's special attacks.  It translates as 'wound of the wind'.**

**Taijiya: exterminator, really.  Demon-hunter.  What Sango and Kohaku are.**

**Shakujou: Miroku's staff.  A Buddhist staff.**

**Kuromiko: literally, black priestess.  A priestess that practices the black arts, one who casts curses.**

**Houshi: Buddhist monk, one of low rank, I believe.  That would be our dear Miroku!**

**Hentai: pervert.  I think ecchi is another word that appears in fics, and it means nearly the same thing.  Hentai is also a type of anime/manga/fic that deals with or depicts scenes of a VERY sexual nature.**

**Omake: hehe, usu. what I like to call parodies.  They often take a serious scene and twist it into something funny...or sometimes they're just plain strange.  In essence, it's usually the author or artist making fun of their own work. ;-D**

Which brings us here.  I had one omake in mind, but then when I was writing that scene a few more wormed their way in.  I won't say they're funny.  But they ARE something.  :-D  imo, an omake works better as a visual joke, but my artistic skills just aren't up for that challenge.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Miroku, being the clever lad that he was, had waited for Sango to sit down before casually making his way over to sit beside her.  It was the most logical place for him to go, he reasoned, since Kaede was on the other side of the small fire patiently awaiting what news they had brought back from their extensive travels.  Inuyasha snorted and Miroku spared a moment to feel pity for the hanyou.  He knew how much Inuyasha hated having to sit in the old miko's hut and answer questions.

The moment over, the lecherous houshi quickly sank back into the fantasy party that raged non-stop in his head.  Lovely it was...fantasy-Sango had just offered to polish his shakujou.  She placed the staff very firmly between her knees and began to rub rhythmically at the battle-worn metal.  Oddly, or not, she wasn't wearing her usual outfit, but something the monk had once seen in one of Kagome-sama's picture books.  Something softly curved and made of thin, shiny silk.  It hung off her very shapely shoulders by two nearly invisible strings; dipping low enough to hint at what Miroku saw when the exterminator was bathing alone.  He was salivating.

Sango had just asked him if there was anything else he wanted her to polish, when Miroku was jolted out of the daydream.  Something had...squeezed his butt?  He held very still, and did not have to wait long for the sensation to come again.  His blue eyes were confused a moment (not used to people groping HIM!), but they instantly cleared when he remembered he was sitting next the beautiful Sango.  

_I knew it!  She does want me!  Turning on what he considered to be his irresistible charm, he looked at Sango.  And one look was enough.  Before he could say anything remotely lascivious the stubborn demon-hunter slapped him upside the head and scooted far across the floor, putting a good three feet between them._

Miroku pouted.  _If she didn't want my attention than she shouldn't have...uh?  *patpatsqueeze* Miroku twitched.  __Kagome?__  No, she's in her own time.  Then who...?_

Miroku turned slowly, ready to bolt if the other end of the hand was attached to a female twice his age or more.  

"AHHH!" Miroku yelped like a startled girl, jumping to his feet and away from the offending appendage.  

All the commotion stirred a sleeping boy.  Inuyasha peered up at Miroku through half-open eyes and grumbled, "What the hell is your problem, monk?"

"HENTAI!" ***SMACK***

_"Hey, Inuyasha!" she called into the rushing wind. "What happened to your face?" she paused for a moment to have a very disturbing thought. "Oh no, tell me you're not picking up Miroku-sama's ways?!"_

_Inuyasha twitched, so small that had she not been smooshed up against his back, she probably would have missed it. "Shuddup!"_

[[Inuyasha should really see somebody about those dreams he's been having.  They're starting to get him into trouble! ^_~]]

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

_Kikyou worked her fingers into the collar of her robe, sliding them up and down under the cloth, then pushing it off her right shoulder completely.__ She smiled as she did so, parting her lips and licking at them suggestively._

_"I've missed you, Inuyasha. I'm over that 'love-me-I'm-dragging-you-to-hell' bit. I..." She lowered her eyes demurely a moment. "I want you to be my first."_

_"Bitch!"__ Kagome screeched, suddenly appearing out of nowhere. She latched onto Inuyasha's arm and swung him around violently, sending the hanyou skidding across the ground face-first.  The irate teenage girl stood over him and panted.  _

_"Stay the hell away from my woman!!" Kagome screamed, her face contorted in jealous rage.  Kikyou smiled and flirtatiously wiggled her fingers at him from behind the younger miko's turned back._

_Inuyasha: ^O_O^;_

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Kagome leaned her bike against the Hone Kui no Ido. She didn't really have any exams this time (as far as she was aware), but dog-boy didn't need to know that. She just hadn't seen home in a couple of weeks, and...well...she missed mama. And hot water! And oden! And pillows---and damn it, she missed HOJO, too!

[[O_O that's.just.wrong.  *shudders*]]

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

_Okay, Kagome, think. But she was doing anything but. She frantically wanted to look around for escape, but she couldn't drag her eyes away from the unfairly beautiful demon as he approached her.  __Gods, he's yummy.  With that long, silver mane of hair and those piercing gold eyes.  Golly!  Not to mention those stripes!  Stripes are dead sexy!_

"Damn, boi, you is hot!".

Sesshoumaru stopped.  "Huh?"

The miko straightened away from the well in one seductive line.  Smoothing a suggestive hand down over her breast to her waist, then back up again, pulling it slowly through the waves of her hair.  She sauntered toward the suddenly hesitant youkai, a very threatening swing to her hips.  The atmosphere being broadcast around her changed from innocent, shy schoolgirl to dangerously unhurried sex-on-the-hoof.  The look in her blue eyes was...ravenous.

Sesshoumaru, not known for being stupid, quickly started backing away from this newly discovered threat.  "Uh, on second thought, I'll just find him myself..._Eeep!"_

Kagome pounced, then pouted cutely as the object of her desire took off running, tripping over himself in his desperation to escape.

Undaunted, Kagome slowly climbed to her feet and started hopping after the high-tailing Sesshoumaru, ala Pepe Le Pew.  "I love it when they play hard to get!"

[[and that's what I mean about these being funnier if visual. -_-']]

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Kagome peered over the rim of the well, ready to duck back into it and her own time at the slightest hint of danger.

*_squeaksqueak*_

Kagome: *blink*

She quickly lowered her head back into the well, her hands still visible clutching at its side.  She stared sightlessly at a vine near her face, trying and failing to process what her young mind had just seen.  She rose just enough to take another look.

*_squeaksqueak* The youkai lord of the western lands zipped by the well again, peddling as fast as his poofy pants would allow._

Kagome: *blinkblink*

[[Sesshoumaru.  On Kagome's bike.  Now THAT I would love to see!]]

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

_Inuyasha crawled around on his hands and knees. Not exactly knowing why, but knowing it was expected of him. And he had to do what was expected of him. He paused as two dainty feet appeared in his line of vision, white against the grass' green. He slowly lifted his head from staring at the ground, and his gaze crawled over long, shapely legs, thighs and hips veiled in a strange green kimono that teased more than it covered. Kagome, he thought, but the girl that lowered down to kneel before him was older, more mature in face and body. An older sister, but no...a *really* older sister._

_Kaede?!!!___

[[O_O Inuyasha, that is just sick!!!]]

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Sesshoumaru saw stars when he opened his eyes. Real stars. It was like he was staring up a long tunnel. The open well showed him bright flecks of light, and a night that was deep in contrast.  Something tugged on his head and his attention snapped to the left.  _Umm..._

The miko knelt by his side, gripping tightly a handful of his long silver hair.  She was petting it adoringly, as if it were something alive.

"My precioussss," she hissed, a demented look in her eyes.

Sesshoumaru swallowed, nervously.

[[why, yes, I watched 'lotr: the two towers' just last week.  Why do you ask?  :-D no, seriously, my brother was making fun of me because I tend to have this little obsession with long-haired boys.  Just don't say...Orlando Bloom.  *faints at the name* (*_*) you think that's bad?  You should see me when I watch any movie with Jonathan Rhys Meyers in it! *begins to hyperventilate*  hehehe ^_^]]

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Confusion, a hint of emotion in his otherwise empty eyes. He stared at the scar and did not know what to make of it. Oh, wait, yes he did.  He tilted his head slightly, just enough to make out...

'Kagome Wuz Here'

Sesshoumaru: O_o

[[Has anybody seen 'Psycho Beach Party'?  I thought about putting 'ann bowman lives' but I didn't think most people would get it.  Oh well, there's another over-done joke!  Teehee!  How many does that make now?  Don't worry, I'm not done!  I just love making fun of my own work!]]

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

She stood stock-still, though every nerve in her body screamed out at her to run. You don't run from dogs, her mind thought in an odd burst of clarity. _They like it when you run. They like the chase. She was dealing with a dog-demon, but she didn't think that fact changed the rules as much as one would expect.  _

_Hey...She bent down and picked up a stick.  "Fetch, boy, fetch!"_

Sesshoumaru watched as the stick went flying past him.  Then returned his glare back to its rightful place.

Kagome's arm dropped back down to her side.  "Er, nevermind.  Forget I did that."

[[dog jokes!  dog jokes!  Aren't you sick of them?!]]

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

"Kagome-sama," Miroku said, stepping over Inuyasha's prone form, "I understand your hesitation, but is it really wise to choose Sesshoumaru's side over Inuyasha's?"

"I'm not on Sesshoumaru's side!" Kagome shouted---

"Yes, you are."

"Huh?"  Kagome looked down at the inuyoukai that was supposed to be passed out beneath her.

"Ow!  My ribs!  Get offa me, wench!"

"Ahh!  Gomen, gomen!"  She scrambled back off the demon lord's now bruised side.

Sesshoumaru rolled over and curled around his injuries.  Torture.  Torture before death.  He should have known.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

And finally, Kagome's dream:

_The very strange girl danced from foot to foot, laughing and clapping her hands ecstatically._

_"What the hell are you doing, bitch---" ***SLAM***_

_"Inuyasha!__  I got a perfect score on all my exams!  Even MATH!!!"_

_"Like I care---" ***SLAM***_

_"Oh!  And I saw Naraku today.  He gave me his shards and then walked away and POOF," she made a *kersplat* motion with her hands, "he fell on this really blunt sword that just appeared out of nowhere.  Man, that had to hurt.  And yay!  Miroku and Sango are getting married!  They want me to be the Maid of Honour!  ME!"_

_"Hey, what the hell is going on?!"___

_"Oops, forgot to mention, the 'osuwari' command doesn't work anymore."_

_Inuyasha: O_O you mean I'm free?_

_"No, silly!__  It's automatic now!"_

_"What the hell does that mean, you stu---" ***SLAM***_

_"Wheee!__  This is so fun!"_

[[*sweatdrop* I don't know where that came from.  I really don't.  it scares me. O_o]]

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

okay, nothing really funny.  Just some weird ideas I had when writing the story.  :-D  if they didn't make you laugh, I hope at least one or two of them made you smile!

Last thing.  I will be doing a sequel.  Look for it soon under the title: "It Changes Everything".  Wow, it took me forever to come up with that title, can't you tell?  I'll have a note at the beginning explaining why it's a sequel to this and not just another part.

Eternal thanks to all those who reviewed!  I attribute the success of this story to you.  Without reviewers, us poor writers would hoard all our work to ourselves and never share!  And that would just be a waste!

Thanks!

Love and gratitude,

~Loki


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